Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
