You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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