im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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