He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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