he wants to bone in the snuggie
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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