So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
