Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
