everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
