just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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