so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
