We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
