KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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