well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
