i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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