I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
