I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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