She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
