he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
