remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
