I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
