Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
