I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
