Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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