This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
