theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
