Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
