I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
