do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
