Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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