Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
