How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
