So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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