I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
