I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
