i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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