Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
