She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it's like iHOP with fire
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
