She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
