:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
