He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
