i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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