I'm going to jail i love you
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i believe in u and ur pee
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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