OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
