9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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