Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
