i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
