Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
