You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
