when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How does one acquire holy water?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
