It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
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