dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
