Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
