We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
