Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
