I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
