mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
