i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
